What follows is the faithfully fabricated transcript of three of the most unbearable people on earth: please read with discretion and several drinks.

Britney: So, like we've totally called this meeting to talk about...about(crosses eyes and throws up)

Jessica: Eww, gross. We're having a conference about global warming.

 Paris: Don't worry about it, Brit, I just threw up like five minutes ago. It's a great way to lose some pounds!

Lindsay: Yeah, and God knows you need it, girlfriend.

Britney: Go back to rehab, slut!

Jessica: Ladies, ladies, we need to be focusing on the world and stuff. We're not going to solve anything if we're arguing about what we do every night. 

Paris: That's right! If there's one thing I learned from rich people jail, it's that you can't do anything without cooperation, from someone like a judge or your lawyer or publicist. Let's get down to the issue, girls.

All: Sweet!

Britney: So global warming is like what's going to kill a bunch of penguins in Artica, right?

Lindsay: Bitchin, but I think it's about more than just the pengins, it's about corporations and really bright sunlight.

Paris: Oh God, I loooove the sunlight. Do you think we'll tan faster if global warming happens? I mean I hate having to wait like an entire hour to get into one of those tanning beds in Beverly.

Jessica: Girls, we're getting away from the point.

Britney: What is the point?

Jessica: Global warming is a complex issue, involving natural and man-made forces that threaten the polar ice caps and thus our way of life. We could end up destroying thousands of species of plants and animals in our orgiastic frenzy to consume resources that further unbalance our environment. It is a terrible terrible thing, that may one day destroy the entire human race. Vote democrat!

Lindsay, Britney, Paris: What the hell are you talking about?

Jessica: Oh, sorry girls... I took some ex earlier today and watched that Al Gore slide show. 

Britney: Well, I say metting over! Let's go get some drinks!

 All: I'll drive!